So, before I even arrive at the club my shift starts. When I’m picking out my clothes (I know, it seems weird that that would matter right?) I have to make decisions, is my GF going to be ok with me wearing this, or wearing that? Now, your thinking to yourself, “why would that even matter?” Well, I’ll tell you why, my GF worked at the same bar I DJ at, she was a waitress, so she understands the business and can accept me working in a place like this and knows I would never do anything to ruin our relationship, HOWEVER, what I wear actually affects how many girls flirt and hit on me. So to play it safe, I generally stick to baggier, looser fitting clothes. Now, I know your thinking I’m crazy, that attractive mostly naked woman hitting on you isn’t a bad thing, well it may not exactly be bad, BUT, it quickly becomes annoying and doesn’t do much to help the situation at home, because in this industry, honesty at home is the key for it to be successful, every little flirt and pass made at you, you tell the wifey, that way you can never be accused of hiding anything and it actually helps your relationship grow stronger when you can develop that sense of trust.
As you can see, we’re very happy together, THAT is something not a lot of people in this industry can find and it’s all due to trust.
Alright, it’s 6:30 PM, I’ve walked into the building and now I begin my obligatory “Hello’s”. The doorman, day manager, night manager, day bartender, night bartender, waitresses (day and night) and the owner. That’s even before I get to the dancers. Now, I want you all to imagine something for me, your a polygamist, (Google it, I’m not explaining it) and you have 35 wives. 35 wives whose taste in music you must know, you have to know the situation with their “financial advisers” if they’re on their rag, if the rag is approaching, how their kids are, if they pay without hassle, with hassle, or try and duck out. You have to give fashion advice, music advice, take a picture, make sure their tampon strings aren’t showing, get back owed money and that’s all before you even get to the DJ booth!
6:45 PM now, you have a general idea of whose in the bar, now you have to look at the schedule to see how badly your screwed. Let me explain the “schedule”, in a strip club (at least the ones I work in) you have a set number of girls that have said they are willing to do four shows throughout the course of the night. Typically you only need 8 girls to get through your shift, some bars give more, some less, but 8 is a good round number to explain how this works. So, let’s say every girl does four shows for you, you have 32 shows at 12 minutes a show, that will get you right up to 12:30 AM, you still need 7-8 shows to round out your night and that’s where “freelancers” come in. You have to know which ones will just hop on stage no fight, which ones will fight and which ones will flat out refuse (now if you work in a “normal” club that last one doesn’t happen, unfortunately one of the bars I work in is run by the dancers and it doesn’t make a good time for the DJ. Imagine lunatics running an asylum for the criminally insane, now imagine that asylum being right next door to your house and NOW imagine that asylum is also your daycare center for your kids, and people, there’s no Batman to keep the inmates in check, now that’s not even as bad as working in this one club) so, as you can see, it can be a juggling act to fill out your night. I would like to say though, there are some great girls who do come up and ask to go on stage, but that again, is more of a club by club thing and those are some of my favorite girls, they realize that getting through the night, putting on a good show and everyone making money is a TEAM effort.
7:00 PM, I’m finally on the mic, I have my line up set and we’re under way. Skipping girls, this is probably the second most aggravating part of the job. Now this may sound shallow and greedy, but if I’m constantly having to shuffle and shift my line up so you can make money, how about throwing a fiver the DJ’s way? It’s not just “oh, you can skip me, you’ll find someone else.” not at all. Let’s have a look at skipping a schedule girl now why don’t we? You come and tell me your going into the VIP, the PROPER way to do this is to come up to me a couple of girls before your due on stage, however, sometimes this isn’t possible because he comes and asks you, which I get, BUT, if you know your up next, why not just tell the guy your on stage next, bring him to Perverts Row and sit him down and tell him your going to dance for him first? But, that will never happen, it requires too much forethought on the girls part and with the attention span of a gnat, I realize I’m asking too much. (Note: this isn’t all of you girls, but you may have an idea of the ones I’m talking about) So you come up to me, usually on the second song of the girl before your due on stage and tell me you need to be skipped. Now, I have three choices, be a dick and say no, which leads to a fight, you not paying your DJ fee and if I’m at a “normal” club results in your suspension for two weeks. No one wants that, so let’s see option two, skip to the next girl in the rotation, so I do a quick scan of the floor to see if I can see her, if I don’t I leave the booth and check the change rooms, if she’s not in a change room, or out back smoking I have to look at the next in rotation and begin the whole process over again. Now, if I cannot find a girl thats on schedule to go up for you, I have to skip to option three, which involves putting up a freelancer. So now, I have to check the floor for a girl that would be easily willing to go on stage for me, let’s say I find one, it’s probably somewhere at the beginning of song three now, which means I have roughly three minutes to get her to the DJ booth, get her music picked (which consists of her asking for a million and one songs that we don’t have and we finally wind up with three, oh and look, less than a minute before she has to go on stage!) and now have her do what ever prestage ritual she does, go pee, grab a glass of water, touch up her make up, etc etc. So as you can see, skipping a girl isn’t as easy as they would like to think and to be brutally honest, I know 99% of them don’t give two shits about me (Oh, look, as I’m typing this out I just had a girl tell me to skip her, ain’t I lucky? Oh and it’s most of the way through the second song, just like I explained in this last paragraph, be back as soon as I find someone for stage!) and truthfully, I don’t give a shit about most of them either so long as they pay their DJ fee. Now that may seem like a callous attitude, but once you work here and understand the environment, you truly realize just how cut throat everyone is, how two faced they are and just how badly you have to watch your back!
The rest of the posts are coming soon, stay tuned and check me out on Twitter at @obeyobrien for some hilarious stripper quotes, or watch my hash tags, #shitstripperssay and #cuzimpro